How many of you guys no can stand kaka-roaches?  I know I wen spell um wrong ovah hea but, eh, when you cannot stand something, you guarantee going call whatever it is you cannot stand, kaka, yeah?

Anyway dis one time, when I waz one teenagah (waznt too long ago), we nevah have nothing bettah fodo on one Saturday nite, so my three friends wen pick me up fo go holoholo town sai. Of course, had to score some beeah first, but since we waz all undah age, we had to go park by Nankos, which was one package stoah in Kaneohe.  Nevah take too long cause always had da old Filipino men used to walk pass and I would go tell um dat eef dey go buy fo me, I go geeve dem extra kala an dey can go buy what dey like for demselves.

Aftah scoring some beeah, dis one particular time, we wen go Ala Moana beach and go park on da oceansai of da road.   Eh, had full moon, and da reflection on da wattah was so beautiful.  All of us waz juss sitting in da ca talking stories drinking our beeahz getting silly.  Whooooo, eef my muddah only knew !!!

Anyway, da mobeeahz we drank, da mo silly we wen get making any kine, lidat.  We ended up lighting matches and seeing who can make the brightest blue flames wit whateveah natural gas we could manage to dispense, eef you know what I mean.  Only waz cracking us up. Plus, we waz eating plenny cuddle fish an, da kine, dried cod fish too an was only hauna in dat ca.

Well, all good tings muss come to an end.  We figah, we go ress libit befo we drive back to Kaneohe.  We put on da radio and juss all kick back.  Befo we knew it, we wen all fall asleep.  Talk about knock out city!

Az I waz sleeping, I wen feel something on my face, so I wen try shoo em off, tinking waz one of my heah wen fall on my face.  I waz half way sleeping wen  I wen reach and touch what waz on my face. I thought, eh, how come my heah feel thick?  So, I stay lilbit buzzing from da beeahs an I wen try grab what waz on my face an den try folook at um in da dark. Ho I no keed you, wen I saw what waz .. I had instant chicken skeen and one shock wen start from my toes an wen run all da way up my back bone!!!

KAKA-ROCH!!! I wen go scream at dat top of my lungs.  I tink I wen go scream so loud dat I wen wake up King Kamehameha himself!!!  I wen fly da buggah outsai da window so fass and konk my head on da ceiling of dat ca at da same time.

Everybody in da ca wen wake up wondering, what da heck waz going on. Den, one of my friends in da back seet started to scream too I wen look in da back an I couldnt believe my eye balls!!!  Da back waz COVERED wit kaka-roches Dey waz climbing all ova da place.. An wasnt da kine, pakanini kine.. waz da 747 kine, wit pink wings!!!  Had so many of dem waz unreals!!!  All of us wen fly open da dooahs and scramble out so fass.  My friends in da back seet had kaka-roches all ovah dem.

We wen juss run an hop ovah da small stone wall an drop on da sand and started rolling like sushi trying fo get dat pilau feeling off of us from doze disgusting kaka-roches.

Aftah we pau roll, we wen walk back to da ca. Eh, I wen spock one of doze big barrel rubbish cans filled wit da kine peoples half eaten plate lunches and bento waz right next to da ca.  Da rubbish can waz all black, crawling wit kaka-roches. So, some of dat kaka-roch gang wen find their way insai our ca.  We had to push da ca down da road cuz nobody wanted fo get insai to start um up and drive.

Good ting had towels insai da ca cause we wen use um fowack all da kaka-roches. People dat was driving pass us thought we was mad at da ca cause all four of us waz standing around da ca wacking um wit da towels. We finally waz able to get rid of most of dem.  Da ones we could see at least.

Wen I got home da next morning, I waz grounded fo two weeks fo coming home so late. Cunfunit kaka-roches, waz their fault! Till dis day, wen I see kaka-roch, I run foget one towel.

So, my friends, da moral to dis story is. No go eat cuddle fish and cod fish insai your ca and park next to one beeg rubbish can.  You going be sorry!

About Author

Izzie Kikue was born in Honolulu and raised in Kaneohe, Hawaii. She now resides with her ohana several minutes southeast of Atlanta, Georgia. Her career has involved being Director of Ministries and a Certified Biblical/Pastoral Counselor for a large Christian Ministry in Southern California and later in Georgia. With a Th.D. (Dr./Theology), she devoted much of her time and energy traveling to third world countries offering physical and spiritual aide to people who needed assistance due to war situations and other misfortunes. Izzie is currently taking a breather from overseas travels and is now focusing her time and energy on her nani daughter, as well as "Bringing Aloha to the Internet" as AlohaWorld's co-owner and host.