It's high noon and kaukau time for da Hollywood Gang, Del Monte Corporations bestest hoe hana teen-agas; in da middle of nowhere somewhere in da pineapple fields. All us girls sit in one big circle on da road. Az all choice get, da dirt road or da dirt road, unless you like sit on da pineapple plants.

Da kaukau we share wit each ada stay put in da middle and we put our thermos in da middle too. So if anybody like some, everybody juss help dem selves, reaching ova whateva. Get anykind different stuffs for eat. And any kind juice; most of us get fruit punch in our thermos cups in front of us.

Of course soona or latah da talking story turns to sex la dat. Anden somebody mentions how bummahs it is to have your rags wen you working in da fields, cause no moe such ting as battroom. Us wahines gotta literally stick our okole out squatting like one manung at da chicken fights. And if you get your rags....oh man, juss use your imagination.

Anyways dis one girl her moe "mature" den us hah. She says "Its not so bad if you use Tampons." All us country jack keeds stay look at each ada side eye kine; da eyebrow stay all clueless. Okay we talking what, 1969, dose 'shovemup' tings was like just invented? Us wuz products of parents who no tell us about sex stuff. Dey just tell us "not to do IT" BUT dey neva explain how or what IT is.

So nobody wen like ack like dey dorono notting. Was quiet. But me da type, if I don't get it; I going say I don't get it! So I asked "What is one Tampon?" And Ms. Mature Girl says, "You guys no use tampons?"

All us stay shake da head, no. So she went pull out one tampon from her bag fo' show us. And we all still stay looking pretty clueless. So somebody else brave for talk now ask, "How can dat small ting be like one pad?" So Ms. Mature Girl unwraps da tampon. All da while explaining how to use it and its absorbancy features etc. She takes it out of da applicator and is dangling dat "ting" at us, swinging it at everybody like show & tell in school. So somebody else says, "NOT, dat no can hold all da blood!"

So Ms. Mature wen trow dat tampon across da circle of food and it landed right in my cup of fruit punch! Da ting went splash and started fo' grow bigga! AYSOS, zaazooosssh, all us jumped up screaming and laffing so hud. We was huddled ova dat cup of fruit punch wit dat "ting" in it, going "eeeeeeeeeee". I picked up da cup and whipped da stuff into da fields. We all had big eye, we neva saw such a ting la dat. Wen we went sit down somebody said, "Hooooo juss like you going shove one roman candle insai you." We all was literally rolling on da ground and us all had side pain. And az how I learned about Tampons.

Moral of da story ... Teach you kids about sex stuffs or dey going learn "show and tell" style !!!

Linda "Lika" Relacion Oosahwe was born at Queens Hospital raised in Fernandez Village/Ewa and Waipahu. She currently lives in Gardnerville, NV. She has three children; Quannee Mokihana, Star Leinaala, and Keokuk Hokule'a a.k.a Quan, STA & BoBOY! A palm reader once told her she would have three husbands. She's behind, still on the first one be 26 years March 99; but she heard there's a line starting at Leeward's Drive In. When she grows up she wants to be "financially independent" currently she is "financially embarrassed!"